cant sleep.

So while i was typing this post, i fell asleep in bed with my mac on my lap(around 3:30ish?). :/ I had a pretty long day today and spent way too much time at the gym. Got a good workout in tho! Guess i do that when i have a lot on my mind. The time flew by while i was there because I was in deep thought about this hard situation im in with Mel, Good and bad thoughts  flooded my mind and I started to wonder and think of all the things that could possibly happen from this point to when Mel is done with school.. Future problems that could arise,  ups and downs, struggles, temptations, insecurity, pain, worries, jealousy, ect. Or all the different outcomes. But of course there were Good thoughts as well.. like our growth in the lord, the bond and unbreakable connection we would have, the most amazingly good looking kids we would produce ;p , waking up to her beautiful face every morning, the endless amount of cars we can tag up with bobbas, all the laughs, all the smiles, all the support wed have for each other, to be able to hold her in my arms again.. the list goes on and if i was to keep going i wouldnt ever be able to post this.

When i thought about it more and more i started getting depressed and bitter. but remembered the devotional i did today and i was reminded not to fear. I have hope in us. and i needed to give it all to God. So i decided to play worship music as i worked out and i prayed and asked him to give me the strength, comfort, understanding and that he would remove the confusion, troubles, worries, and the doubts that the enemy would use against me. 

After that i felt more at peace. Im so confident that the Lord will bless us in many different ways no matter what the outcome. Im learning to relax more and trust God and to stop fricken worrying about what the future holds.. but to take it one day at a time letting God lead and see where he brings us. He only wants whats best for us so why stress it right? Its crazy how refreshed you can be just by listening to worship music. its like a reminder u know? my night was totally blessed by it and walked out of the  gym with a big smile on my face. Im excited to see Gods will for us unfold day by day.

My other half

As soon as i got in my truck i get a call from Sapp telling me he really needs my help typing up his resume. Hes not much of a computer guy and types using only finger lol. So i was there for a bit helping him put it together and upload it to the website. When i was done he was so stoked and happy i helped him out. It was cool to see how appreciative Sapp was when i didnt do much. but after that i bounced and went home as soon as i got a gnite text from mel. I was really bummed cus i wanted to see her and pray with her really badly. 

When i got home and worked on this post, my mind wandered and i kept wishing i could be skyping her at that moment.. and it escalated to how much i miss her, or how almost everything i do or see reminds me of her. I miss her... a lot. it seems like the Summer we spent together was so so long ago. I miss the scent her hair would leave on my pillows, that comforting feeling i get when she rests her warm hand on top of my heart, eating frozen yogurt together on movie nights, or eating watermelon after our work outs, the tickling battles and wrestling seshes we had,... :/  every time i walk out of the locker room at the gym i still keep thinking and hoping she'll be standing or hiding by the lockers waiting for me. well atleast i dont have to worry about her popping out and scaring me every time i turn a corner... shoot, i guess i miss that too tho :/  

 but anyways thats ,my day.. and part of my tomorrow? or today? kinda weird... ugh i need sleep, lets try this again... hopefully ill see her in my dreams!